Wolfman

As the World debates the character of this famous backwoods recluse, our staff reporter (janitor and all round handyman) was able to obtain an exclusive interview with the “man” himself and report these hitherto unknown facts:

• He does not have an offensive odor, at least to other woodland creatures.
• His mean-ness is only outdone by his uglyness. His ability to fly off the handle has never been accurately measured. His appetite has kept all manner of small game and insects at a tolerable level.
• Science has never fully cataloged all the parasitic creatures which inhabit his personal self.
• His legendary ability to hunt is only exceeded by his ability to evade taxes or any other form of payment for any goods or services.
• His prolonged use of “Unobtainium” for various purposes has rendered him un-photographable due to severe auroscopicdihectofractionistic distortion.
• He is known to like children although he prefers chicken or strawberries, in season.
• Dogs don’t bother him—more than once.
• His IQ is apparently off the scale—which end is not quite clear.
• He was evidently married at one time and still suffers from the effects.
• It is not clear if “Wolfman” is his first name or last and he would not verify the rumor that he was once called Cedric, becoming quite huffy at the suggestion.

Hungry for more Wolfman?

Check out these culinary creations from the “man” himself. Braised Frog Legs, Porcupine Stew, Kitty Litter Cake. It’s a daringly edible, collection of backwoods recipes direct from the campfire to your kitchen.